Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures/Lecture 35
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There was my uncle Wardle; a greater man by no means broke the bread of life: he took to billiards, and he did not dwell with aunt a month afterwards. You can not win a match when you strategy and putt badly; however there are some courses, Sandwich, for example, the place it's possible you'll just as effectively go house as dream of profitable a match or making a respectable score if you are "off" your driving. Tennis, as an example, whenever you first fail to win a brief chase, or your opponent keeps on serving nicks; billiards, when your ball is always below a cushion, or the balls useless safe time after time; cricket, when an umpire has given you out by a mistake of judgment-all these are trials, and they type a part of the discipline of life. Is there a rhymne to remember which order to pot snooker balls? There are smoking-rooms for individuals who smoke, billiard-rooms for individuals who play billiards, and a card-room for those who play cards.
Then there may be a third one which is the oldest, a fourth one distinguished for scholarship, a fifth for athletic records, a sixth as a result of it has the best chapel, a seventh for I know not what, and as there are at the very least fifteen of them, I've mixed them all up; I see only the castellated palaces in Perpendicular fashion, the massive quadrangles, the place the pupils transfer about in black gowns and sq. tasselled caps, each of whom has his two or three rooms within the wings of those castles; I see the Gothic chapels disembowelled by Protestantism, the banquet-halls with a dais for the "masters" and "fellows," the venerable smoked portraits of earls, statesmen and poets, who went forth from there; I see the renowned "backs," i.e. the rear of the schools above the river Cam, over which there are bridges resulting in the ancient school parks; I float on the gentle river between the "backs" and the parks, and that i consider our college students, of their hollow bellies and their boots down-at-heel with trudging from lecture to lecture. Indeed, if there had been any luring to be carried out, it's possible that he would have performed it, and never they.
However the ridiculous exhibition of temper and sulkiness that an incredible many gamers present habitually, only begins to be humorous when the sport is over and the opponent of the irascible one is telling a congenial buddy after dinner about it, and the offender is just not current. I saw your younger-er-relative in earnest conversation with good friend Monk this morning,' said Marriott, later on within the day, to Gethryn; 'I believed you were going to provide him the tip in that route? Professor Brierly has a passion for pure thought. A funeral shouldn't be an exciting or notably nice occupation, however there are a lot of funerals the place a lifeless silence is not more cultivated than at some golf matches; and it is silly and useless to fly into a passion because someone thirty or forty yards off who will not be taking part in golf at all, or at any fee has nothing to do with you, talks or laughs in order that you have to hear him.
There may be no doubt that golf is terribly attempting to a man. The wound to my vanity was considerably soothed once i learned that there just isn't an novice in the world who can beat this previous man. Most players improve in temper, or, moderately, a philosophical calm comes over them, as they grow older; but there are some, forming quite a respectable minority, of whom the exact contrary is the truth, and the melancholy truth must be recorded that they get worse and worse. It's advisable that no person should stand behind a man's club when he hits the ball, however even this, I feel satisfied, a man can get accustomed to, if he will only apply his thoughts to it. He has lost some of his size, he can not drive a ball out of its bunker as he did previously, and his eye is not quick at judging the distance of about eighty yards which he has to hold to get over some hazard. I never knew a man enter a billiard-room that he wasn't misplaced for ever. Having two idle hours on my arms, I went right into a billiard room formerly on the southwest corner of Broadway and Fiftieth Street, New York, where I played billiards with an old man of seventy-six.
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